*sigh*

to be dead honest, cyberspace, i don't even know what to say anymore. trying to be positive kinda failed. and now i can't even type half of what i want to type, because i know that people i know are gonna read it. my blog used to be a place where i could type out... everything, and no one knew, no one cared.
that's the way i liked it.
but then again,
while i was busy pouring out my heart and soul, people who were meant to be my friends had found my blog and were reading it, and spreading it around.
taking the piss out of everything that meant anything to me.
they all seem to think i'm some type of slag.
gee, thanks.

i also learnt that apparently, playing cod is basically a religion.
does no one else see how wildly unattractive that is?!
in french, one guy calls across the classroom "GRENADE!" and almost all other males in the room proceeded to either duck or try and snipe the guy that "threw the grenade".
it's disgraceful. actually disgraceful. i've played it, it's not that amazing.
check that, it's complete and utter shit.
someone's gonna read this and be like
"oh, it's cause you're a girl, you wouldn't understand."
could you shut the fuck up please?
that's like me punching you in the balls, and saying it was fun.
but you wouldn't understand the fun of it, would you?
exactly.
don't be sexist, you massive wankstain.
and that goes for any male that thinks i don't appreciate cod because i'm a girl.
no, actually. it's because it's highly overrated, you sexist wankstain.
atm, i actually hate boys.
they're crude, annoying, judgemental and immature.
4 things i hate.
hate.
i sound like a right moany shit, i know. but i had a sleepover last night.
yeah, it was amaaazing, but a chat made me realise 2 things.
1) who the hell are you?
2) boys aren't worth it.
maybe they should phone in a couple of years when they grow some balls, instead of sticking virtual ones in other virtual peoples mouths. yeah, i went there. how do any of you expect to have a proper relationship when you only talk/text to them when your re-spawning?
it's really, really sad, guys.

-calm down, simone, it's only virtual reality...-

song of my day:
alfie - lily allen
"now how the hell do you ever expect that you'll get laid, when all you do is staying your computer games..."
PREACH, LILY, PREACH.

<3

good morning vietnam!

and it actually is good morning vietnam because over there its 2:00.
so it could be goodnight, but still.

i'd like to say i've cheered up since last post. not really.
i sound like a proper depressing child.
LOL.
but it's all good, really.
well, it's not.
but tbh, i'm trying to put it all behind me.
kinda.
LMFAO. that was a total waste of time :|

i haven't updated in a while, mainly because my finger are usually so cold that i can't even move them, let alone type. i think summer should come soon. and by soon, i mean now. i don't do cold, and i hate snowball fights.

and just another little rant into cyberspace (:
STOP MAKING THE LONELY FEEL LONELIER.
i don't think i need to say more. anyone that knows me well knows that once i get started on a subject like that, i don't stop for ages.
and i start using examples. that's not good for anyone.
wait, i'm started now.
brace yourself, internet...
please stop moaning. i hate the way you try and be her. it's so messed up. you're not her. i don't know why this pisses me off so much, but why are you trying to be such a slag?
it's not a good look on you.
rant over :')

thank you for listening, cyberspace.

and for now, i'm still looking for a chivalric guy who looks plain goddamn amazing, invites me in his house to play on websites for kids and watch movies that make me cry, hold my hand, kisses my forehead and tells me i'm beautiful.
yeah, i know, i'm delusional.
as if anyone like that actually exists :')

quote of my day:
"it's not my problem if you think i'm weird."
- sid vicious.

love<3

urrghh. (world, i wouldn't read this one.)

people.

"urrghh."

from so insanely happy to so insanely not.

im cold and unhappy. that's such a bad mix. i don't know why i'm cold, maybe it's one of those things where you're... not in a state to feel warm. wait, what am i on about? i don't even know. i'm not in a state to do anything right now.

why?

here comes my favourite little miss sunshine quote:
"i hate everything."

i'm not usually this negative. or this pessimistic. i don't know what's got into me. well, i do.
you.
you fail to talk to me ot pick up your goddamn phone when i need you, when i'm having a really bad day all you do is MOAN about your "almost lover" and if i try and talk about why i'm upset, you give me useless advice that you should probably follow yourself.
go get a life, fool.

the people i call my friends are some of the most annoying, self-centred people i've ever had the misfortune to meet. it's cold. i don't do cold. as well as a lot more crap that i so cbf to explain.

and i had a good day as well. thanks for ruining it, fate. (Y)

i'm just kinda curious as to what i've done to piss off some sort of god.



that rubber is everything, and damn, it's catching up.

i really need a hug right now. :|

song of my day:
brick by boring brick - paramore
"well go get your shovel, and we'll dig a deep hole to bury the castle, bury the castle..."

<3

five day weekend.

bonjour, mon ami.

as you may have gathered from the title, i'm having a five day weekend.
OH YES, THANK YOU ODIN. ^-^.
two things i would like to point out about that last sentence.

1) odin is a private joke between me and my older brother. we usually don't talk, let alone joke, but since he can't be bothered to leave the house and i go and get him food, we've been talking a lot more. and my older brother and i prayed to odin for a five day weekend. the five day weekend came, hence the 'thank you odin.'
no, im not pagan.

2) i had a very in depth conversation about '^-^' with a best friend i got back yesterday :D i hate goodbyes and loosing people, so that made me a very happy bunny.
.7.
^ all i'm gonna say (:

i've decided that it is a new year, new me. i know, i sound MASSIVELY like a shitty weight loss advert, but i've decided it's kinda working for me. people i thought were my friends aren't really worth my time or trouble. i've had like... a complete detox of everything that made my life... worse than it should be.



i think that picture up there really sums up my mood.

sorry for all the '...' , i've been told it makes me seem hostile. force of habit, really.

song of my day:
ain't no rest for the wicked - cage the elephant
"oh, there ain't no rest for the wicked, until we close our eyes for good...

love.<3

snow.

people of this fucked up world of ours,
i hate snow.
not all the time, only when some stupid fuckface gets snow on my internet router.
and when i go out to get pizza, and have to phone my brother to come and rescue me. yes, rescue me. for those that don't know me, im short, and converse aren't the best shoes to wear in the snow. my feet were cold, my fingers were colder, and my amazing 6'4 older brother had vans. i love him sometimes (LL). so i have a snow day, i have a towel round my shoulders and i'm watching house with the older brother. we've had to turn the tv up so, so very loud to drown out retards outside chucking snow at each other.
it's not that much fun, jeez...
you may not have noticed, but for me, the novelty of snow has completely worn off.

in other news...
i hate it when you think you know someone. someone that's supposed to be your best friend. someone that tells someone they've known for less than a year a massive lie, because they heard a rumour. such a pisstake. it's like i want to shout at you at the top of my lungs "i thought we were friends?" you don't do that to people! if it's the truth, that's one thing, but a lie? that's a totally different story. and then, possibly the worst thing? when you make up crap to make yourself look better.
jeeeeeeeeez.

i have to stop saying "jeez".

song of my day:
top of the world - all american rejects
"finding a day, don’t wanna be you, when the top of the world falls on you..."

love<3

just to say...

avid followers,
if there are any of you.

2nd blog post of 2010. this isn't a very good year for me, is it? i don't know why but everyone's different now. their new years resolutions have changed them from the people i once thought i knew. but then again, that's basically 2009, but with a different label.
huh.
you're probably all thinking "well, haven't you changed, not them?"
that is a very valid point, my friend.
but if you're not my friend, why the hell are you reading this?

but this time, im determined that things will change. because tbh, with you, douchebag doesn't even cover it. and i've had enough of racist douchebags in 2 weeks to last me a very long time. to be dead honest with whoever reads this thing, i'm a retard, aren't i? i always get my hopes up too far for (no offence intended) a dick, then i always seem surprised when they get bloody broken. why? i don't know. i'm not as smart as everyone seems to think i am. if you bother to read the rest of the blog post, you'll be able to see that. if i was smart, i would have stopped myself before i got in too deep, wouldn't i? i should have done my bloody research and asked people about you before i ended up doing something i might regret. but i didn't. for once, i acted before thinking of the consequences. i don't know if i regret that, because... well, i don't know why. "because" seems to be my rational answer for everything these days.
god, i sound old.
but still, i never thought i would ever sink this low, but i'm having to go to Take That for this quote. not proud.

"cause i need time,
my heart is numb, has no feeling,
so while I'm still healing,
just try and have a little patience...."

(no, i don't listen to Take That, my mum sings that song. all the time.)

for once, all i ask of you is to have a little patience. sure, i know i piss you off, but bloody hell, im mixed up, so i have no clue how to explain this. i don't know what you expect of me, but you obviously found this easier than i did.
i don't wanna be mean.
i don't wanna piss you off.
i just think you should understand, ok?
you were the one person i knew i could trust with everything,
before everything happened,
and i don't want much.
hell, i don't want anything.
not even my friend back.

song of my day:
sink into me - taking back sunday.
"you're all i see, sink into me..."

love.love.love.

2010.

well, here it is.
first blog post of 2010.

in the last 60 seconds on 2009, i remember thinking:
"so this is it."
the end, finally.
the in the first few seconds of 2010, nothing felt different. surrounded by a lot of drunk people hugging... it felt... the same.
no curtain of change had opened to reveal the secrets of the window of life.
5... 4... 3... 2... 1...
new year.
the space of a second.
not exactly a big moment.
huh.

this is the 3rd day of 2010, and my already non-existent love life has pushed itself that little bit further down the shitter.
thanks fate.
last blog post i said i met a guy.
this blog post i'm sad to inform you all he's never going to be mine.
he's my 'best friend's.
oh the joys.

i dont have a song for you.
sorry.

love <3