i can see your halo.

i'm blogging because i can for this post.
so it will be full of crap.

but then again, i'm always full of crap.

so, how's simone been lately?

pretty shit.
but that's ok :')

no, it's not.
but i can lie to myself.
...
no, i can't.
who am i kidding.

i miss my best friend.
again.
things that've gone on lately reminded me of the private jokes and all the fun we managed to have.
for once, i'm not afraid to admit that.
yeah, i miss you.
just not in the way everyone seems to think i do, ok?
i don't know why she wrote all that shit.
she probably thought she was helping.
she wasn't...
oh well.
life goes on...

i don't have a song,
i have a quote.
it's from a song, but oh well.
you'll always be my thunder.


actually, i do have a song.
back to the start - lily allen
i don't know why i felt the need to keep it up for oh so long, it's all my fault, i'm sorry, you did absolutely nothing wrong...




bronte is gonna kill me...

:'(

EFF.
EM.
ELL.

that's right, people.
fuck my life.

i don't even know why i'm writing this shit.

i was sobbing my eyes out yesterday,
i could barely eat, then almost ate myself silly.
and you didn't even remember.

i haven't been sleeping well, at all.
i was SO ill because of lack of sleep.
i was crying and dry retching into a bin.
then into the toilets.
i was shaking.
actually shaking.
i was so cold,
then boiling hot.
i got a hug of mr midgley he felt so sorry for me.
mr midgley.

and you didn't even remember.

well... you probably did.
and that fact you didn't care is what kills me.
or did you?
ahh, there goes that hope again...

i just ate an entire pizza, and now i feel sick.

fuck you, fate.
fuck you, supreme being.
fuck. my. life.

song of my day?
i don't even know anymore.

...

i'm not really in the mood to write much.
i broke my lent.
i've almost eaten myself into a coma.
some people just bring out the worst in me...
it's raining.
i've been reduced to watching the simpsons in the faint hope it might make me laugh.

it's not working.

i don't have a song.
sorry.

:(

greaaaaat.

GET. LIVES.

he's done nothing, ok?
FACE IT.
you, of all people, have nothing to be pissed at him for?

people have feelings.
and maybe he has ones that he doesn't want? i'm sure i do, yet you're so... disgusting to him? oh my jesus, i actually want to punch you round the face sometimes?

yeah, he got close to her on focus day.
you're acting like a lost puppy.
yeah, i'm sure she liked you once, but obviously not anymore?
i know how it feels, so don't call me a hypocrite.
but i'm making a fucking effort to move on.
i've given up mayday parade and secondhand serenade for lent.
i've stopped writing my poems.
i'm attempting being happy?

and because you can't seem to do that, you want to make his life a misery?
him, whose done nothing but have feelings, and then try and suppress them?
he seems to be one of the strongest people i know right now.
take a look at it from his point of view?
walk a mile in his shoes.
for me?
the girl that's always on your side.

yeah, i know how both of you feel.
and you're pretty much being a penis about it.
i know,
you're supposed to be my best friend.
but i know what's right, and i'm gonna stay with what i believe is right.
and if that's his side, so be it.
if i loose a best friend...
so be it.
you say you're standing up for a best friend,
and now, so am i.

¬ ¬

gaaahh, sorry for the angriness today.
been feeling so out of it lately.
*sad face*

siobhan dooley, you're my best friend, and even though microsoft word gives you squiggly red lines under your name i think it's perfect(: i don't know what i'd do without you. i'm proud to call you my bestest friend, ok?
nobody hurts you and gets away with it.
i'll kill him.
actually kill him.
and only for you baby,
only for you ♥

one last thing,
2 days.
anniversary of the best day of my life.
never thought it wouldn't be happy, though...
:'(

i need to stop before i bait my life out?

song of my day:
maybe this time - kristen chenowith
maybe this time i'll be lucky, maybe this time he'll stay...

♥

'broken hearts are bad, but the alternative is much worse.'

dear cyberspace,

what am i really on about?

i speak so much shit it's not even funny anymore?

the past keeps coming up to hit me. over and over again.

what happened to live and let die
what happened to the past being over?
what happened to... forgetting?

i can't do it though, can i?
"but we both know that i'm not that strong..."
right?

... right?
:(

ignore what i say, just listen to the music i tell you too.


song of my day:
into your arms - the maine
i'm falling in love but it's falling apart, i need to find my way back to the start, when we were in love things were better than they are, let me back into,
into your arms...

♥

whe-eee-eee-eee-eeere...

is love?

another question that simone often asks herself.

well, can anyone tell me?

...
no?

no one
ever
can.

and that's a fact i guess i'll have to get used too, right?
that's another sad truth, right?
that is the truth... right?
feck it.
you said no to forever,
but i would gladly spend eternity by your side.
i would.
i really would.

i hate my brain.
it keeps these little bubbles of hope.
and i'll be getting on with life,
and then a bubble will pop.
and i'll think of you.

"hope: the general feeling that some desire will be fulfilled"

yeah, i've got hope.
i don't want it.
but i've got hope.
i know that i should have no hope.
but for some strange reason,
i have hope.

hope, hope, go away,
come again another day...
or in another situation or something.
anything.

song of my moment:
one last kiss - madina lake
"shivering as the truth is settling, her tomorrow has nothing to do with me..."

♥

countdown.

just one more day.
24 hours.
1440 minutes.
86 400 seconds.

and then i get to see you again ♥

and that makes a happyecstatic simone.

:D

hmmm.

i feel like blogging again today.
i also feel like curling up in a ball and crying.
why?
because i'm that lonely.

i need a hug.
worlds longest hug, me thinks?
and then i want someone to kiss me on the forehead.
or pat me on the head and say
you did good, kid.

oh simone, all you do is take take take.

i know,
i'm a shit person, sometimes?
all i do is want want want.
all you did was give.
and give.
and give.
you never asked for anything back.
i massively took you for granted and all i want is a hug from you.
just one more...

now simone, you're being stupid.

i know, because one hug and i won't let go.
one hug and i'll remember.
one hug and... and i'll miss you more.

i'll miss your hands in mine,
i'll miss walking aimlessly to nowhere,
i'll miss your smell,
i'll miss everything that made you... you.
because everything about you was perfection to me.

i've already given you a song,
i really don't want to find one that defines my mood.

♥

could it be that we have been this way before?

this is gonna sound like a rant, and for those poor souls that have chosen to read this, i apologise.

i seem to be the only lonely person this side of japan?

everybody seems to have someone, someone to focus their time and energy onto.
be that a good thing or a bad, at least it's someone?

i don't think i've ever managed to ever feel this lonely.

valentines day was 3 days ago, and i was so depressed it wasn't even funny. everyone on the street seemed to have someone to give them roses, or hold their hand.
is that really too much to ask?

some people are spoilt for choice, they have tons of people chasing after them, some decide to be unfaithful to their partners, and it's like,
"errrmmmm... share please?!"

you've got the single people, but the one's that have their eye on someone. the ones with hope. the ones that can still dream.

you've got the ones in happy relationships.
'nuff said.

and then you've got what seems like... me?
single, and... unfocused?

i know, i moan faaaaaaaaaar too much, but is that really fair?
i know what you're thinking...
"life isn't fair."
you think i haven't figured that out yet?
gaaahhh,
i just wanna rip someones head off?
D:

wait...
i just turned on my phone and got a random text saying nothing but
"abortion".
i haven't laughed that much in so long :')
oh my god, LOL!
you know who you are,
thank you xD

well, hello bipolar simone.

i think i should stop before i spill out my life. :|

i need a hug you.

song of recently:
fall for you - secondhand serenade
"tonight will be the night that i will fall for you over again, don't make me change my mind...

♥

... well.

it's valentines day.

and it has been for about 5 minutes. :|
only 23 hours and 55 minutes left to go...

i hate valentines.
mainly because i'm single.
single. single. single.
worst word ever, me thinks?
i hate single life anyway, but then you've got today, valentines, to make the lonely feel lonelier.

cupid, we need to have a chat about your aim...
which basically means get some.
please.
i hate valentines so, so much.
and i need a hug :(
i'm gonna be really depressed all day now.
i get to watch couples be happily in love, while i sit and... eat myself into a coma? cry myself dry?
fun. fun. fun.

to all those people snogging in the street, get a room? i'm sure there are some going cheap.

anyways, i guess you could say i'm tired.
and i am.
it's valentines day.
*yaaaayy...*

song of recently:
so far away - mayday parade
"she finds hope in the strangest places, she reads her books and she knows the faces of everyone whose ever said she's alone..."

peaceout'

i don't even know what to say anymore.

i had the night of my life last night.

"i would do alex gaskarth, and by the sounds of it, he'd do anything that moves. score!"

i got elbowed in the face.
sat on in a mosh pit.
crowd surfed.
and cried.
and not from the pain.
well,
i had my own, as well as other peoples blood on my face.
i was covered in water,
as well as beer and other peoples sweat & piss.
and i was sat in seating, after someone fractured their foot and i managed to split my lip, with tears streaming down my face.
it started,
i saw you.
oblivious.
having the night of your life.
and so they sang.
and so i cried.
and so everyone around me jumped and sang.
oblivious.
i waited until it was over,
and wiped the blood off my face.
stood up,
and fucking sang my voice out.

still covered in sweat.
still covered in piss.
still covered in beer.
but alive.
so mother-fucking alive.

you haven't lived until you've done that.

i'm speechless.
goddamn speechless.

btw, remembering sunday is the most beautiful song ever when played live.

just alex gaskarth,
a chair,
a guitar,
and a microphone stand.
fuck yes?

the blackout were insane.
i remember the scared looks on some little girls faces as we screamed
"WE ARE THE CHILDREN OF THE NIGHT.
WE ARE THE CHILDREN."
at sean smith.
aaahhh, sean smith <3
SEXYYYY welshman. xD





i would.
you know you would.

i will leave with the pictures of those two stunning men.
jizz.

song of my day:
break your little heart - all time low
"you were fake, i was great, nothing personal..."

when i break your little heart in two.

ALL TIME LOW IN 1 DAY.
1 DAY.
i haven't been this excited in so long :D
but if i collapse,
i'm sorry.
there are reasons that i'm not in the mood to talk about.
eeevvvveeerrrrrrr.
i'm meant to be doing drama work right now.
LMAO.
i never do homework.
it's really bad.
i should probably start.
but it's not due in for a week yet...
yeah, i'll do that later xD

idk why, but i've been in these moods.
no warning,
the water works start D:
in re, today, i sat there tears falling from my eyes,
and i actually didn't know why.
mr midgely (coolest re teacher ever)asked me if i was ok.
i didn't even realise i was crying.
people from tables ages away were asking me questions,
arrrghhh, i don't know why?
and then not knowing why makes me cry harder.

i'm a happy child really, honest.

you probably think i'm lying to you.
i'm not. xD
at the bus stop i was crying with laughter at alice.
and i've actually been really happy lately (:
i don't even know why,
lmao, opposite much? ^
xD
i don't seem to know much,
but i dont care :D

my brother found out that i had a blog.
he goes,
"what opinions have you got to offer the internet?"
oh, brother dearest, you are so small minded sometimes :')
that's the exact point.
i have nothing to offer the internet.
well, except what seems to be the story of my life ;]
sometimes you need the world from a teenage point of view, ayy?
that's what i have to offer.
a teenage point of view. (:
i said that to him and he looked at me like i was crazy.
i laughed.
i laughed a lot.

i love the way the sky gets brighter earlier.
i love the way everything seems to be happy.
i love the way everyone's nice to each other for a change.
i love the way i can laugh at anything.
i love the way i'm starting to smile again (:

ahaa, spring makes me happy :D
and after all this time,
the sun is shining again.
i've seen the light at the end of the tunnel.
i'm happy,
and nobody is gonna ruin that for me (:

the sun will come out tomorrow, :D

biarrchh,
i'm simone eubanks.
get fucking used to it ;]

song of my day-
where we belong - lostprophets
"i'll take these storms away, start a brand new story, i'll make it through each day, singing death or glory, lord won't answer me, i won't let it bring me down..."

♥