just to say...

avid followers,
if there are any of you.

2nd blog post of 2010. this isn't a very good year for me, is it? i don't know why but everyone's different now. their new years resolutions have changed them from the people i once thought i knew. but then again, that's basically 2009, but with a different label.
huh.
you're probably all thinking "well, haven't you changed, not them?"
that is a very valid point, my friend.
but if you're not my friend, why the hell are you reading this?

but this time, im determined that things will change. because tbh, with you, douchebag doesn't even cover it. and i've had enough of racist douchebags in 2 weeks to last me a very long time. to be dead honest with whoever reads this thing, i'm a retard, aren't i? i always get my hopes up too far for (no offence intended) a dick, then i always seem surprised when they get bloody broken. why? i don't know. i'm not as smart as everyone seems to think i am. if you bother to read the rest of the blog post, you'll be able to see that. if i was smart, i would have stopped myself before i got in too deep, wouldn't i? i should have done my bloody research and asked people about you before i ended up doing something i might regret. but i didn't. for once, i acted before thinking of the consequences. i don't know if i regret that, because... well, i don't know why. "because" seems to be my rational answer for everything these days.
god, i sound old.
but still, i never thought i would ever sink this low, but i'm having to go to Take That for this quote. not proud.

"cause i need time,
my heart is numb, has no feeling,
so while I'm still healing,
just try and have a little patience...."

(no, i don't listen to Take That, my mum sings that song. all the time.)

for once, all i ask of you is to have a little patience. sure, i know i piss you off, but bloody hell, im mixed up, so i have no clue how to explain this. i don't know what you expect of me, but you obviously found this easier than i did.
i don't wanna be mean.
i don't wanna piss you off.
i just think you should understand, ok?
you were the one person i knew i could trust with everything,
before everything happened,
and i don't want much.
hell, i don't want anything.
not even my friend back.

song of my day:
sink into me - taking back sunday.
"you're all i see, sink into me..."

love.love.love.

2010.

well, here it is.
first blog post of 2010.

in the last 60 seconds on 2009, i remember thinking:
"so this is it."
the end, finally.
the in the first few seconds of 2010, nothing felt different. surrounded by a lot of drunk people hugging... it felt... the same.
no curtain of change had opened to reveal the secrets of the window of life.
5... 4... 3... 2... 1...
new year.
the space of a second.
not exactly a big moment.
huh.

this is the 3rd day of 2010, and my already non-existent love life has pushed itself that little bit further down the shitter.
thanks fate.
last blog post i said i met a guy.
this blog post i'm sad to inform you all he's never going to be mine.
he's my 'best friend's.
oh the joys.

i dont have a song for you.
sorry.

love <3

almost over.

2009.
what a year, eh?

a year full of 'hello's and a year full of 'goodbye's.
a rollercoaster year of ups and downs.

i remembered you, i fell in love with you. you hurt me bad.

i've smiled, i've cried, i've partied hard, i've got off my face, i've lived it up, i've broken down, i've met some pretty amazing people that have helped me through so much, i've lost people i thought i never would, i've sung, i've danced, i've met new people, i've missed, i've made decisions, i've made mistakes, i've had fun, i've had duvet days, i've pissed off people, i've laughed so hard i cried, i've posed, i've loved, i've hated.
hell, i've done almost everything.
i flew completly off the rails, and for that, i have you to thank.

today, i met a guy.
and thats all.

song of my day:
Today Is Gonna Be A Great Day - Bowling For Soup.
"so make every minute count, jump up, jump in and seize the day..."
(yes, it's the phineas and ferb theme.)

lovelovelove.

huh.

'allo.

i got asked to update yesterday. i was shocked that someone actually reads this. but they do, so here goes.

my life is the most uninteresting thing ever. there's no point informing you about my life, because it's shit.

'scuse my french.

since i last updated, i haven't learnt much. i learn't that people can just tip you over the edge, with something as simple as "i forgive you." forgive me for what, i wonder? looking back, all i'd ever done is give, give, give. all she did was take, take, take. she'd blame me for everything that went wrong, she'd moan at me, because she had what i didn't. and i took it all. sometimes enough is enough, right?
and now, back to my usual subject...

i had an alright day today. and in a matter of seconds you've managed to ruin it. thanks?

rawwrr. :'(

i don't have a song, finding one might make me cry.

muchlove.

you.

i remember those times when everything was perfect.
but perfection doesn't exist,
because perfect is boring.
perfect is cucumber sandwiches, corsets and small talk about the weather.

im not perfect. i'm proud of my imperfections.

so why do you still expect me to be perfect?

you don't have a hold on me, however much that hurts me, it's true. because i define perfect as the times when your hold on me was strong. now, you laugh at me when i'm getting on fine, and i'm back to where i started from. don't tell me to move on unless you've got a place for me to go, cause i can't find one.

"my heart will always beat for you, you'll just never be close enough to hear it."

come back, please.
forget that, what's the point in asking...

ahhhh. :(

song of my day:
stop crying your heart out - oasis
'be on your way, and stop crying your heart out...'

loveyou.

well, that hurt.

i may be a lot of things.
im a cow.
a massive bitch.
yeahh, i knowww.
its nothing new, is it?

but still, its not something you wanna hear, really. especially from someone that once upon a time, was everything to you. someone that once upon a time was your prince, the happily ever after you read about in story books. well, i did. i dreamed about this fairytale i'd be living when i was 10.

i have to stop reading. and watching you, to be honest.

i dont know if you think its funny to hurt me like you do, like you have? and dont think i havent noticed. i take a glance to your direction, i see you pull her closer. im surprised you dont remember, how you said forever. how you said i was all you ever wanted and more. but now, apparently, im the worst mistake you ever made. and for the record, im not trying to claw my way back into your life. i never left. you were the one who helped me, but now your the one depressing me all over again.

i hope you're happy now.
that would make one of us.

song of my day: little lion man - mumford and sons.
"i really fucked it up this time, didn't i, my dear?"

peace+love'xo

oh my dayyyssss.

it's 6:10 in the morning.
i've been awake for almost 24 hours.
im watching 1 girl sleep and the 3 girls opposite me move their hands in a degrading way.
it's raining.
the only thing keeping me warm is this laptop.
life is bliss.

im warm, i can hear the rain (which i love) and im talking to one of the best people ever on msn. sure, my eyes are starting to droop watching aurelia try and curtsey, and listening to all 4 of them sing "when we were young" at the top of their lungs so badly it's kinda painful.
but i don't have a care in the world.

i've stolen one of rochelles blankets, they've stopped singing and are now talking about homebase.
as you do.

i went to see new moon, had FUN with the losers i call my best friends P:

im not even joking, i just blacked out, im that tired.

xD

it is now 9:20, i did indeed fall asleep midsentence :D
and i dont care (:

song of my week: new perspective - panic! at the disco.
'stop there and let me correct it, i wanna live a life from a new perspective...'

livefast,diepretty.♥