just to say...

avid followers,
if there are any of you.

2nd blog post of 2010. this isn't a very good year for me, is it? i don't know why but everyone's different now. their new years resolutions have changed them from the people i once thought i knew. but then again, that's basically 2009, but with a different label.
huh.
you're probably all thinking "well, haven't you changed, not them?"
that is a very valid point, my friend.
but if you're not my friend, why the hell are you reading this?

but this time, im determined that things will change. because tbh, with you, douchebag doesn't even cover it. and i've had enough of racist douchebags in 2 weeks to last me a very long time. to be dead honest with whoever reads this thing, i'm a retard, aren't i? i always get my hopes up too far for (no offence intended) a dick, then i always seem surprised when they get bloody broken. why? i don't know. i'm not as smart as everyone seems to think i am. if you bother to read the rest of the blog post, you'll be able to see that. if i was smart, i would have stopped myself before i got in too deep, wouldn't i? i should have done my bloody research and asked people about you before i ended up doing something i might regret. but i didn't. for once, i acted before thinking of the consequences. i don't know if i regret that, because... well, i don't know why. "because" seems to be my rational answer for everything these days.
god, i sound old.
but still, i never thought i would ever sink this low, but i'm having to go to Take That for this quote. not proud.

"cause i need time,
my heart is numb, has no feeling,
so while I'm still healing,
just try and have a little patience...."

(no, i don't listen to Take That, my mum sings that song. all the time.)

for once, all i ask of you is to have a little patience. sure, i know i piss you off, but bloody hell, im mixed up, so i have no clue how to explain this. i don't know what you expect of me, but you obviously found this easier than i did.
i don't wanna be mean.
i don't wanna piss you off.
i just think you should understand, ok?
you were the one person i knew i could trust with everything,
before everything happened,
and i don't want much.
hell, i don't want anything.
not even my friend back.

song of my day:
sink into me - taking back sunday.
"you're all i see, sink into me..."

love.love.love.